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I’ve often been asked what my dream job would be. Apparently my varying interests (music, writing, baking, etc…) confuse people. But the repeated question has gotten me thinking about what I would like to be doing with my life if I didn’t have the oppression of paying the bills weighing me down and keeping me from chasing my dreams. After all, when you are a single mom trying to raise two kids, your dreams take a backseat to the needs of your kids. And when you have kids at a young age like I did, during the period where most young people are busy finding themselves, you tend to lose sight of yourself altogether until one day you look around and realize you’re stuck in a job you hate because someone needs to pay the bills and keep a roof over your heads. At least, this is what happened in my case.
Several ideas of what my dream job would be have come to mind, some are nothing more than a dream at this point in my life and others are still actually attainable. Narrowing down the list, my top two choices fall at opposite ends of that spectrum. So to answer anyone who’s asked and to offer an insight into who I am, or rather, who I might have been, here is a glimpse of what I would like to have been “when I grow up”:
In Another Life
I’ve stated many times before how big a part music plays in my life. Sadly, I have no musical ability of my own to speak of. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am tone deaf, because when I listen to music, I can hear the changes in pitch (even American Idol and other Karaoke type video games tell me that I am “pitch perfect”). I can actually even feel the music, like it reaches down into my soul and changes me with every beat, thump and thrum. The problem, is that I hear myself differently; that is until I record my voice and play it back, then I hear the way I sound to the rest of the world and I cringe.
If things were different, if I didn’t sound like a wounded animal or as though my jaw was wired shut and the world could hear me the way I hear myself, well, then I would have loved to be a musician. A well rounded musician, with talent and melody oozing out of every orifice. I envy the talent of musicians like Melanie Fiona whose voice and ear for music work together to create magic. Seriously, if you don’t believe me, you should check out her cover of Wale’s Bad or Biggie’s One More Chance. She doesn’t just mimic what she hears and regurgitate it. With her amazing talent and voice, she completely reinvents it in a way that only she can, giving it a distinct sound this is her signature. I don’t care what song she is singing, you can always tell that it is Melanie and hear her unique tone.
That’s what my true “dream” job would be. To be able to affect the lives of others, while doing something that I truly love and enjoy. Music has a way of making people feel like they are not alone in this world, like there is someone else out there that understands exactly what they are going through and through music, they were able to connect. It is like a friend or a warm blanket on a cold winter day, comforting and familiar. Music is there for you through the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the joy and the pain.
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When I was younger, I attempted to write a song. I thought it was the best thing ever and kept it in my wallet for weeks until I lost it. Afraid that I had lost it somewhere that it would be found by a particular person who I shall not name, I was completely embarrassed. I started to think that maybe it was really cheesy and this person had found it, giving them a good laugh at my expense. With that fear and humiliation came doubt and I stopped trying to write songs. Who was I kidding, even if I wrote great songs, it’s not like they would have ever made it into the right hands, right?
Recently, after embracing novel writing, I started thinking about how music influences my writing. The combination of the writing and the music inspired me. In an attempt to start writing songs again, I seem to have found a knack for poetry. I was told by someone who read my poem Craving, that it would make a good song. So maybe my dream of working in music isn’t completely unattainable after all.
Are you working in your dream job? If not, what would you rather be doing? Check back next week for part II, where I offer insight into the dream job that I’m still striving towards.